Night Drive **AAR**

I drive to/eliminate the ball that I'm chained to/Take me...break me/Every mile further there's a part of me that slips away/One day...you'll see/even if you got down on your knees you couldn't make me stay/Drive all night/never gonna get me/Night by night/to get away from it all/Fight fight fight/all you want to do is hurt me...

People are really grating on the last nerve I am trying to keep. Okay, so if you are too stupid to find an answer on a simple in-class assignment, you don't belong in that class. The stupid answer is right in front of your face and if you actually took the time to look you probably would find it. There is no point in looking at my paper, searching for the answer without even asking. If you would ask me for help I probably would help, but after you decide to cheat on me I will not give you an answer. Then having someone in my ear saying I won't give the answer because I am mean? I mean seriously. What grade are we in again? First? Second? No!? Well it sure seems like that. If you just listen to the drivel that pours out of the mouths of some of my classmates, you would not know that we were in high school. So what is high school teaching us these days anyway? To cheat to pass? Well that is fun...**The student that is most likely to cheat on a test is an A-student** Didn't know that huh? Students who have lower grades are less likely to care about the outcome of their grades so why cheat? Errr...it is just an assignment so why does it matter? Maybe it matters because this is not the first time this has happened, nor will it probably be the last. I am probably going to blow up at the next person who cheats off me...Frustrated...very frustrated.

Straitjacket Feeling **AAR**

Back me down from backing up/Hold your breath now/It's stacking up/Etched with marks but I can deal/And you're the problem/And you can't feel/Try this on/Straitjacket feelin'/So maybe I won't be alone/Take back now/My life you're stealin...
Not caring is a problem...Being in your junior year and not caring if you pass or fail your time away in high school...That's kind of bad. Mentally checking out because you don't want to have to deal with the idiots of the high school existence. It is like we are wearing straitjackets, having to confine ourselves because we cannot be trusted to take care of ourselves. Cannot be trusted to make our own decisions.We have parents that tighten our straitjacket ever so tighter by wanting to know what we are doing every minute of every day. What we are thinking...they cannot control that...so the rebels who follow their own path fight to take off their straitjackets. But when we escape our first, are we not just binded into our second? Our job, then a family, then old age? Or whatever order that is applied to the situation. We cannot seem to escape confinement in life, whether or not we attempt to. Just as we hold the key to our freedom, someone is there to make sure it is taken from us. A boss will give you orders, your wife/husband, and in old age if your kids hate you you will be locked away in a retirement home against your will. Every minute of every day we are being force fed crap that is there to make sure we do what we were told. Only in our thoughts are we not constrained. Even then there are those that seek to control those also.

Sorry about this I am not in a good mood.

Maybe I'll Push Back

Pushing me away/You are tearing us apart/Pushing me away/It's breaking my heart/Pushing me away/But you should know/If you keep on pushing/Maybe I will just let go/To let you keep your distance/You need a buffer between us/But it is what you wanted/So I try not to fuss/Why can't we be friends that are normal/You seem to not want me around/I don't know if I can take it anymore/Everytime I think of it my heart plummets to the ground/YOU ARE PUSHING ME AWAY/Why are you doing this/You are pushing too hard/It'll be me you will miss/You are pushing me away/You are tearing us apart/Pushing me away/What you are doing is breaking my heart/Pushing me away/But you should know/That if you keep on pushing/I will just let go.

I don't want to let go. Stop pushing me away, you know who you are.

Stab My Back **AAR**

"Stab my back/is it better when I bleed for you?/Walk on me/it never was enough to do/I can't get past you/Falling fast it's true/it hasn't done a lot for you/"

Emotional ups and downs...that is where friendships will take you. Doesn't matter how strong you think your friendship with that person is, you can be hurt on either side anyway. And that really sucks...Because with that pain/heartache/tears/grief you do things to yourself you normally would not do. Stop eating to the point where you are emaciating yourself to the point of nothingness, cut yourself deep to rid yourself of the pain, be up all night because you fear what you will see in your dreams. Thinking less of yourself because they have made you feel unworthy, unloved, selfish. Being angry at them because they made you feel this way. So why have friends? Maybe the thoughts of the need to be rid of yourself stems from the fact that you believe that no one else wants you. Why do you need to be wanted? Can you not want yourself wholly the way you are? Why not just introvert yourself from society to become a socially rejected outcast that is happy with themselves?
The need to be fake prevails in the world and we cannot seem to break ourselves of the pattern that was set before us. By fake it was meant that we deem ourselves worthy by what friends we have. Is there an original? Not referring to the vintage wearing/non-conformists that are so not cool they are the epitamy of cool. And they know it. What is being referred to is the person who does not ride the roller-coaster of friendship emotion, the person who sets their own path to freedom.
I am not saying that I have not been privy to the feelings of rejection/pain...suicidal thoughts, lack of sleep, depression, etc. But what is being put across is that we should not to base our self worth on how someone else will/does see you. One person hates you, two, so on...think about it. How many is that in a sea of millions? They do not matter no matter what celebrities, or our Hollywood~esque society throws down your throat.
Being true to you should be what matters, no matter who makes you feel worthless or angry or sad or depressed or blah blah blah along the way. Friends and the need for friendship should not be the soul focus of our existence. Think about how much time is wasted because you are worrying about who will be the next to say something about you, what friend you will lose, etc. Imagine what you could do with that time instead?
Emotional ups and downs is where friendship will take you, but you do not need to get on the ride.

More Quizzes

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

This is so sad because it is completely true.

Heck YES! I am a Snickers!

Snickers

Nutty and gooey - you always satisfy.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

I'm Just a Kid **SP**

Today was ok so far...but the day is not over folks...I do have a fun night planned. My friend Katy's b-day is today and we are going to a Rock and Roll Worship Circus Concert tonight, which should be a blast. Speaking of concerts, I really want to go to the Relient K concert on 11/21 but I won't be able to because it's kind of far and it is on a school night. THAT really SUCKS! I have wanted to see them in concert for a long time, but this obviously anither chance I will miss. Sucky.

Boring day, nothing to rant or praise about. Muah

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Woohoo! Back to the mundane existence that most people call high school! I hate having to take classes that are going to have no use in my life when I am an adult and in my job(an editor/writer). Chemistry? No point. Pre-Calculus? Who cares. I don't that is for sure. And it seems that all the teachers got together and decided to overload us until we were about to burst from all the homework. I used to love school, but when I have a lab due Wed, another due Fri, and one to start on Fri to be due next week, I say that I do not care anymore. Obviously I will care enough to get at least a B because anything lower is not ok. But other than that, I will probably be scooting by, not trying as hard as I normally would because it just has no meaning for me anymore. That is really kind of sad when you lose your love of something, anything. It is like you have taken a part of yourself and dropped it into your mind shredder to be forgotten confetti paper. Man, listen to me! BOOHOO let me play myself the world's smallest violin because my life is so BAD! Ugghhh, I sound like everything is going bad for me, even though it is really not. I am really just in a bad mood. Even though I still don't think that there is a point to Chemistry and Pre-Cal. School just wears down on me until my stress level is through the roof. Although I can't show I have any stress whatsoever because so many people come to me for help, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I enjoy helping, but sometimes I have to help so many, I let my stuff go so they can finish theirs. But whatever, it's fine, it's not like my life will end if I have to help someone else, and usually they help in return, sometimes. Oh well, only four more days this school week and only three next week because of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is something I am looking forward to but also something I am not looking forward to. Why? Because my dad won't be there again this year...He won't be there for anymore ever. Depressing to think about really. I miss him so bad sometimes it is like a physical hurt, I just cannot deal with it. Miss him, Miss him, MISS HIM A LOT! *sigh* Holidays are just depressing. Proms are depressing. The month of February is depressing in general. OH MY GOSH! Again with the BOOHOO! Man I have to stop, I am going to kill you all with my depressing crap. Hopefully next time will be more happy. Maybe I will win 1,000,000 dollars or get a boyfriend(HA), or get to go to Europe or something. I wish. **bows** thanks for listening to my rant...I appreciate it.

Hangin' Out

I had a really busy weekend but it was sooooo much fun. I am so glad that it was a three day week cuz I got to do a lot more stuff. On Friday I hung out w/ my friend Katy all day cuz I had not seen her in ages...On Saturday as I already said, I went to the SC game at Linfield, but after that I went to my friend Erryn's house and spent the night...On, well today really, I stayed at her house then her and I went to Rob's house and met up w/ him to hang out. We all ended up going to Starbucks and then Bowling. E and I pretty much were not that good and R showed us up pretty bad. I WOULD HAVE WON W/ BUMPERS! Oh well. Life is good anyway. After this weekend it just does not seem exciting to go to school tomorrow. I have a lab due, and a entrepeneur paper to write, and I will be getting another essay this week that I am really not excited about.

BLAH! I will write more later...

Just Blogging CUZ I AM FREAKIN BORED!

It is really sad when you have nothing to do on a Saturday night but sit at home and blog on your blog. I did stuff today, well this morning to mid-afternoon, but now I have nothing. Zippo. Zilch. Nada. It's just cause I am popular like that. Anyways, life has been good this weekend, but I am not really looking forward to going to school on Monday. More homework, more tests, blah, blah, blah. It's really all a load of crap, pardon muah for saying so. Hmmmm...

Music I am listening to right now...:
3 doors down, BSB (heck yes I am!), Click Five, Fall Out Boy, Good Charlotte, Hoobastank, Kelly Clarkson, Michelle Branch, My Chemical Romance, Pussycat Dollys, Relient K, and Simple Plan...

There was a little blurb inside my life for you...I know it's way exciting, you don't have to tell me twice! I already talked about the SC game I went to today...I went to support my friend Rob, cause I AM the best friend EVER! I got lost on the way home from the game though, and almost ended up in Lincoln City...instead of where I live. I kind of figured it out when I passed Spirit Mountain Casino...it was really kind of sad really. So all of you know now to never ask me for directions, cause I will obviously fail in the fact that I cannot even find my own way.

I am going to see Harry Potter next week and I am super excited! It is going to be way cool and I will probably see it a few times in the theatre. I also want to see Pride and Predjudice, and The Chronicles of Narnia. It's sad cause all those movies I have read the books first, and they never get it exactly like the book. But if they did it exactly, the movies would probably be hours long...and it is not like they can act out thoughts the author puts in the book. DUH. I am kind of an idiot, I apologize. Ok, well I just got asked to go to a friends house right now so I still have a social life! WOOHOO!

Football Men

I went to the Santiam Football game today at Linfield and it was a dominatingly amazing game all the way through. The Eagles (santiam) won 44-0 so it was a shut down all the way through. I happen to love football not only because of the game and the tackling, I love it cuz of the boys. I am a girl after all. AND SC has some really hot boys on their team. Lots. The picks of the litter...Ok I think I have embarrased myself enough for today...Over and out mi amigos!

AHHHHH..The ramblings of the Demented

I am so tired but I do not want to go to bed so I am going to talk...What about you ask? I am not sure yet I reply...Ho man I am an idiot...I probably could go on with a whole conversation with myself and my split personality, that is pretty funny if you ask me. Do you know what? People frustrate me. Yes amazing I know with my charming personality but they do. A lot. If school days were an hour longer I would probably blow up. I am not kidding. I do not obviously wnjoy the fact that I have to find my way through the hordes of masses at my large school, but I REALLY HATE when I have to push through them to get to my locker, especially couples, especially kissing couples, especially almost rated r couples. It is just not fun. OH! AND I REALLY ENJOY BEING PUSHED AND SHOVED THROUGH THE HALL! That's a laugh riot! Ok, I apologize. I am really cynical, I think maybe I am a little to young to be cynical...But hey? Who am I to judge my evil twin? Just kidding. All this from the ramblings of the demented should not be taken seriously. Oh well, I only have a year and a half and then I am off to college to where it will hopefully be a little better. Oh who am I kidding, A LOT BETTER! A love/hate relationship, that is what I have with school. If I did not have some friends there with me I think they'd have to shove me in a room with padded walls because it would slowly and painfully drive me insane. Next year I am just setting myself up for disaster by taking three AP classes, but then where would the fun be? I love giving myself hours of homework to slave over and cutting out the little of the social life I have...It is now 11:00 and I still have no idea what I am talking about. That's fun. At least it is a three day weekend so I can build up my strength for the following week. Ok folks, I think I have put you through enough torture..."Good night and Good Luck." A Quote to live by: "Life Sucks, Then You Die"

Addicted

(inspired by Kelly Clarkson's song "Addicted") -------------------------------------------------------------One more time, that's all I need. Just one more hit, and then I'll survive. It's like I can't breathe, it's always nothing but you. I'm hooked on you, I just need one more hit and then I can take it, just one more hit to get me through this. Everytime it seems as if you are sucking the life from me. It's like I've lost myself, it seems like I've given up. Just one more hit then maybe I can break away from you.---------------------------------------------I just cannot seem to break away from this person. In every memory, there they are. In every laugh, I can hear their voice. They are like a drug I can't seem to break myself of. Who knew a highly addictive nature could apply to humans too? Everytime I think I'm done, I just get another "hit" to sustain me. I just want to be free of them, free to think freely, instead it feels like I am stuck in a place I don't want to be. It's frustrating because I want them, but I don't. I want to hate them, then I can't, I can't, I can't or maybe I just won't. But do I have a choice? Maybe I do, but do I really think I am ready to make that choice? Although I am sure you all are sick hearing about it. I am setting myself up for disaster...I get up so high, tipping on the edge waiting for them to push me off. Because I know they will, I know I am just being played and used. At least that is what all my friends tell me...They tell me this person will just hurt me in the end, so why do I continue on talking to them...FYI I don't know!!!!! I wish I could understand why....