Stab My Back **AAR**

"Stab my back/is it better when I bleed for you?/Walk on me/it never was enough to do/I can't get past you/Falling fast it's true/it hasn't done a lot for you/"

Emotional ups and downs...that is where friendships will take you. Doesn't matter how strong you think your friendship with that person is, you can be hurt on either side anyway. And that really sucks...Because with that pain/heartache/tears/grief you do things to yourself you normally would not do. Stop eating to the point where you are emaciating yourself to the point of nothingness, cut yourself deep to rid yourself of the pain, be up all night because you fear what you will see in your dreams. Thinking less of yourself because they have made you feel unworthy, unloved, selfish. Being angry at them because they made you feel this way. So why have friends? Maybe the thoughts of the need to be rid of yourself stems from the fact that you believe that no one else wants you. Why do you need to be wanted? Can you not want yourself wholly the way you are? Why not just introvert yourself from society to become a socially rejected outcast that is happy with themselves?
The need to be fake prevails in the world and we cannot seem to break ourselves of the pattern that was set before us. By fake it was meant that we deem ourselves worthy by what friends we have. Is there an original? Not referring to the vintage wearing/non-conformists that are so not cool they are the epitamy of cool. And they know it. What is being referred to is the person who does not ride the roller-coaster of friendship emotion, the person who sets their own path to freedom.
I am not saying that I have not been privy to the feelings of rejection/pain...suicidal thoughts, lack of sleep, depression, etc. But what is being put across is that we should not to base our self worth on how someone else will/does see you. One person hates you, two, so on...think about it. How many is that in a sea of millions? They do not matter no matter what celebrities, or our Hollywood~esque society throws down your throat.
Being true to you should be what matters, no matter who makes you feel worthless or angry or sad or depressed or blah blah blah along the way. Friends and the need for friendship should not be the soul focus of our existence. Think about how much time is wasted because you are worrying about who will be the next to say something about you, what friend you will lose, etc. Imagine what you could do with that time instead?
Emotional ups and downs is where friendship will take you, but you do not need to get on the ride.