Where Is Your Boy Tonight?

Where is your boy tonight/ I hope he is a gentleman/ Maybe he won't find out what I know/ You were the last good thing about this part of town...

I don't know what to do. I have never had to cope with this kind of problem before. It's like my mind has two opposing sides and they are tugging back and forth to see who will come out the victor. What am I supposed to do? What is ok? AHHH...I don't know. I don't like not knowing...in fact I hate it. I hate the fact that I don't have an answer for this because if I pick one solution over another, each probably comes with its own seperate set of problems. I dunno I dunno I dunno....argh! Conscience and emotion are two totally different things. What one wants, craves, the other is there to be nagging in the back of your head. I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who I know wouldn't judge me or yell at me, etc. It's like, I know I can pray, but it's not like it ever seems like God ever answers back. I just want one set solution to know what to do and that's not possible. It is frustrating to know that I am not as strong as I previously thought I was. I always thought..."it'll never happen to me" yadda yadda yadda...but that is just a pile of crap. Thinking that you are above emotion is wrong because that is just the way that we as humans are made. But where do you set limitations? Ahhhhhhh...I want to, but I don't, I want to, but I can't...sdhjkgashg...I don't even know what to do with myself, I have never been the person who sits back and twiddles their thumbs waiting for something to happen. But how can I trust myself to make the right decision? I can't I won't but I want to soo bad...maybe I willl, probably...AHH I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!