The Pros and Cons of Breathing

Bury me standing under your window/with this cinder block in hand/Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again/And if I could move/I'm sure it would only be to crawl/back to you/ must have dragged my guts a block/...they were gone by the time we/(talked)...I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself/But you know that I could crush you with my voice/Stood on my roof and tried to see you/forgetting about me/Hide the details I don't want to know a thing/I hate the way you say my name/like it's something secret/My pen is the barrel of the gun.../Remind me which side you should be on/I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.

I don't like being confined. I never have. I am not clingy, I am not easily jealous, I will NOT put my arm around you or my hand in yours just because a girl is "checking you out"...if she really mattered, you wouldn't be with me. Duh. It's hard because I don't want to spend every waking moment with you...I don't want to spend every waking moment with anyone...I don't care who in the heck you think you are. Yes it's hard when we spend time apart, because I miss you...your voice, your smile, your hug, your smell, but that does not mean that you should not go and do things without me. I am certainly not stopping myself from doing things without you. I am independent, I rarely rely on anyone to do things for me...so don't feel bad when I pay for things, I know you can't. You can say that all your money will go to me once you get a job, but I don't want it to be that way. I don't care about paying...you are the one having a conniption. It's not like I hate being around you, I just need some time alone to do stuff. This for example. And I can't because when you are over I focus on you so you know I love you and that I pay attention to things you are saying. When I get quiet, I am not mad, I am just quiet. Don't keep asking what is wrong because nothing is...but something will be if you keep asking. If something was wrong I would tell you. Don't spend time worrying about me cheating on you...I mean seriously, who in the heck am I going to cheat on you with? When I hug you for long periods of time it's because I want to be held, not because I am sad or something is wrong. Again with the whole 'I would tell you if something was wrong' bit. I hate that I am ranting right now, but I have been thinking about this stuff for a while. So I don't know what to tell you...I wish that you would just understand these things automatically. But I know that that is not the way it works, no matter how much I wish it would work that way. I love you, never forget that...I am not saying these things to be mean or spiteful...I am saying them because I don't want to blow up at some random moment over something stupid. If we are going to fight, at least let it be over something important and not something that doesn't really even matter.

Ok, I feel better now...