Setting Myself Up For Being Obsolete

So...In a matter of days I will be going to the store and purchasing myself a brand-spankin' new iPod Nano...in a cool red color. Hmmm...the problem is that I already have an iPod. A green mini to be exact. So what is wrong with it? iTunes has been telling me that I can't put new music on it because the software is too old. Apple always is coming up with new technology...which in turn makes everything it has previously created null and void. Why can't we just be satisfied with something that works? Mac computers are the same way. They always have to have the new version of everything...but that makes the owner have to spend more and more money on the upkeep of the computer. I don't know...you could compare that we humans become obsolete also. It is the big time people, the movie stars, sport stars, any kinda star really, that get the attention. Same with high school. The popular kids are the ones you notice. But what about those that just live? Aren't they just as good? They may not be the best but that does not mean that they are not good enough. Ads every day come at us proclaiming that they have some new and better treatment of some sort that will make you a better person. Plastic surgery, botox, crash diets...all exist because we are fed the crap that tells us that we are not good enough, that we are becoming obsolete. All of this started with a new iPod...yet I am still going to get it.

To say I love you

Easy

To mean what you have said

Takes time and effort

Young in age

Playful in spirit

You long for the companion who takes you away

You're seen as old because of your appearance

But I know you

I see your quirks

Spaz tendencies...

You want to be an adult

So eager to leave childhood behind

Rushing through your freedom time

No matter what though

You're still the baby

Still young

Too young to say 3 important words

Vulnerable to pain

And not accustomed to dealing with it

Hanging By A Moment

Desperate for changing/starving for truth/closer to where Istarted/chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you/Letting go of all I've held onto/I'm standing here until you make me move/I'm hanging by a moment here with you/Forgetting all I'm lacking/completely imcomplete/I'll take your invitation/you take all of me/Now I'm falling even more in love with you/Letting go of all I've held onto/I'm standing here until you make me move/I'm hanging by a moment here with you/I'm living for the only thing I know/I'm running and not quite sure where to go/And I don't know what I'm diving into/Just hanging by a moment here with you/There is nothing else to lose/There is nothing else to find/There is nothing in the world/that could change my mind/There is nothing else/There is nothing else/There is nothing else/Desperate for changing/starving for truth/closer to where I started/chasing after you/
I'm falling even more in love with you/Letting go of all I've held onto/I'm standing here until you make me move/I'm hanging by a moment here with you/I'm living for the only thing I know/I'm running and not quite sure where to go/And I don't know what I'm diving into/Just hanging by a moment here with you/
Just hanging by a moment/Hanging by a moment/Hanging by a moment/Hanging by a moment here with you/

I hurt him...and I don't know what to do...It feels like I ripped his heart open and I didn't even mean to...He's the one that always talks about when we'll break up, or his ex-girlfriends...so what am I supposed to do? I built this wall up, brick by brick, about how I would be ok when we broke up. No crying, nothing, everything would be fine. So again tonight, he says something about being worried about me and of course like the idiot I am, I spout off that "at one point I won't matter to you so there is no point in worrying about me..." and he just looks at me like I ran over his dog. It's that heart-wrenching, gut-heaving, I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that look, and I can feel myself dying a little. I never wanted to hurt him...I was just trying to stop myself from being hurt. Is that wrong? No, but it can be horrible because I just hurt the person that is beginning to mean the world to me...

The Pros and Cons of Breathing

Bury me standing under your window/with this cinder block in hand/Yeah cause no one will ever feel like this again/And if I could move/I'm sure it would only be to crawl/back to you/ must have dragged my guts a block/...they were gone by the time we/(talked)...I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself/But you know that I could crush you with my voice/Stood on my roof and tried to see you/forgetting about me/Hide the details I don't want to know a thing/I hate the way you say my name/like it's something secret/My pen is the barrel of the gun.../Remind me which side you should be on/I wish that I was as invisible as you make me feel.

I don't like being confined. I never have. I am not clingy, I am not easily jealous, I will NOT put my arm around you or my hand in yours just because a girl is "checking you out"...if she really mattered, you wouldn't be with me. Duh. It's hard because I don't want to spend every waking moment with you...I don't want to spend every waking moment with anyone...I don't care who in the heck you think you are. Yes it's hard when we spend time apart, because I miss you...your voice, your smile, your hug, your smell, but that does not mean that you should not go and do things without me. I am certainly not stopping myself from doing things without you. I am independent, I rarely rely on anyone to do things for me...so don't feel bad when I pay for things, I know you can't. You can say that all your money will go to me once you get a job, but I don't want it to be that way. I don't care about paying...you are the one having a conniption. It's not like I hate being around you, I just need some time alone to do stuff. This for example. And I can't because when you are over I focus on you so you know I love you and that I pay attention to things you are saying. When I get quiet, I am not mad, I am just quiet. Don't keep asking what is wrong because nothing is...but something will be if you keep asking. If something was wrong I would tell you. Don't spend time worrying about me cheating on you...I mean seriously, who in the heck am I going to cheat on you with? When I hug you for long periods of time it's because I want to be held, not because I am sad or something is wrong. Again with the whole 'I would tell you if something was wrong' bit. I hate that I am ranting right now, but I have been thinking about this stuff for a while. So I don't know what to tell you...I wish that you would just understand these things automatically. But I know that that is not the way it works, no matter how much I wish it would work that way. I love you, never forget that...I am not saying these things to be mean or spiteful...I am saying them because I don't want to blow up at some random moment over something stupid. If we are going to fight, at least let it be over something important and not something that doesn't really even matter.

Ok, I feel better now...

Where Is Your Boy Tonight?

Where is your boy tonight/ I hope he is a gentleman/ Maybe he won't find out what I know/ You were the last good thing about this part of town...

I don't know what to do. I have never had to cope with this kind of problem before. It's like my mind has two opposing sides and they are tugging back and forth to see who will come out the victor. What am I supposed to do? What is ok? AHHH...I don't know. I don't like not knowing...in fact I hate it. I hate the fact that I don't have an answer for this because if I pick one solution over another, each probably comes with its own seperate set of problems. I dunno I dunno I dunno....argh! Conscience and emotion are two totally different things. What one wants, craves, the other is there to be nagging in the back of your head. I just wish I had someone to talk to. Someone who I know wouldn't judge me or yell at me, etc. It's like, I know I can pray, but it's not like it ever seems like God ever answers back. I just want one set solution to know what to do and that's not possible. It is frustrating to know that I am not as strong as I previously thought I was. I always thought..."it'll never happen to me" yadda yadda yadda...but that is just a pile of crap. Thinking that you are above emotion is wrong because that is just the way that we as humans are made. But where do you set limitations? Ahhhhhhh...I want to, but I don't, I want to, but I can't...sdhjkgashg...I don't even know what to do with myself, I have never been the person who sits back and twiddles their thumbs waiting for something to happen. But how can I trust myself to make the right decision? I can't I won't but I want to soo bad...maybe I willl, probably...AHH I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!

Place For My Head

I want to be in another place/I hate when you say you don't understand/I want to be in the energy/Not with the enemy/A place for my head/You tried to take the best of me/Go away/


I hate that my mom doesn't see me as a person. To her I am just a replica of herself and I can't seem to break out of that mold. She sits me down and tells me what she expects out of me and what I am supposed and not supposed to do. I tell her that I know of all of these things already and I am sure that I expect more out of myself than she expects out of me. She says she has to remember I am not her. Well duh. Whatever...frustration

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

you only hold me up like this cuz you don't know who I really am...

SO. I have been thinking...scary thought I know but...if you do not want to know the answer to the question...don't ask it! Simple right? Apparently not. You can't just make the excuse that it was the first question to pop into your head because that is a load of crap.

Then you go on to make me feel like a complete idiot...

I really really hate that. You can't just blow off the answer saying that we are still in high school...We are?! Wow that's a shocker because of course I wouldn't know what I am going to 5 days a week...sheesh. And so what if we are still in high school? What is that supposed to mean? Are we not capable of higher emotions because we are in high school? Or is it just too early for you?

Also...You should not say "I love you" if you don't mean it. Because you will give others the impression that it is okay to love you back. Sorry I got that wrong. All this time I have wanted a boyfriend...who knew that most of the time they are more trouble than they are worth.

I love you...get over your dilemma because I am not going away...and it's not like I can change it

So Sad...Because So True...

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have many true loves. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Sophmore Slump Or Comeback of the Year

....we're the lifers/here till the bitter end/condemned from the start/ashamed of the way/the songs and the words come/beating from our heart/cuz i'll keep singing this lie/I'll keep singing this lie/are we growing up/orjust going down/it's just a matter of time/until we all found out/take our tears/put em on ice/and I swear I'll burn the city down to show you the light...

I am so beat...My body just seems to be crying out for rest, and just when I think I have time, something prevents me. It's not that school is hard...it is just the monotony of having to go everyday that just seems to be draining. Whatever, it'll be over far too soon I am sure. The thing I can't wait to be rid of though? Prom! You know why? Because being as dateless as I always am...it's kind of depressing. I have never been to one dance/prom whatever in the three years I have been at school...poo...As you can see I try not to dwell. Just Kidding

Life Goes On...Or Does It?

In one moment you can be brought sharply back down to reality. In one moment you know how truly mortal we are. In one moment you realize that it could have been you. In one moment you live a thousand moments.

Molly died Thursday. Died. At 17. Died. It is unfathomable. She is gone before she ever really had a chance to live life, her dad with her. It brings back memories of past pain of losing my dad, but it still hurts anew all the same. Even though I hardly knew her, it's unthinkable to think that she is gone. Especially because it could have been me, or anyone else.

Legal

HA! I AM LEGAL TO DRIVE ANYONE AND EVERYONE STARTING TODAY! MY 6 MONTHS ARE UP! WOOTWOOT!

The Countdown goes on...

4 SCHOOL DAYS TIL WINTER BREAK!
4 DAYS TIL WINTER BREAK! WOOHOO!

And just for all of you holiday lovers out there....
12 DAYS AND SOME HOURS TIL CHRISTMAS!

Countdown

5 SCHOOL DAYS TIL WINTER BREAK!
6 DAYS TIL WINTER BREAK! WOOHOO

Santa is Thumbin' **Relient K**

Twas the night before Christmas/And up at the North Pole/Everybody is going crazy/Everything is out of control/The toy shop is on fire/The toys melting on the shelves/And you can hear Mrs. Claus screaming/'I warned you never to trust those elves'/Unless something drastic happens fast/Well say hello to Christmas past

So close, so close, so close....it is so close to Winter Break I can almost taste it. I am very excited to sleep, lots and lots and lots of sleep. Just thought I'd let you all know the countdown...it really is quite sad when you are counting down the end of school instead of til Christmas...

5 SCHOOL DAYS TIL WINTER BREAK!
7 DAYS TIL WINTER BREAK!
WOOHOO!

Winter Dreams

All I wanted for Christmas was you,
No gift you could give me would be greater.
No ribbons,
No bows,
Could make that any sweeter.
But all I'll find,
Under the tree this year,
Is my broken heart.
Shattered to pieces,
No warm hug,
No loving words can mend it.
I long for the look in your eyes,
Love, instead of friendship,
That's what I want for Christmas.
All the rest are gifts forgotten,
Crumpled wrapping on the floor,
Nothing to remember this Christmas by.
A frozen "Bah Humbug" escapes me,
I cannot be swayed by the glow of the twinkle lights,
The wishes of good cheer,
And smiling snowmen.
You've left me with a broken heart, That's all I got for Christmas this year.

Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain,
Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, Pain, is all I feel right now. Tears and hurt...cries of "he's a jerk" fill my ears but they cannot begin to draw me away from sorrow. The idiot who came up with "Misery loves Company" was wrong, leave me to my broken heart.

Stick Foot in Mouth...and Keep It There

Questions:...
1) Why could I not just leave well enough alone?
2) Was I really ready to hear the truth?

In fact I couldn't leave "well enough alone". I could not take the not knowing, and all that junk. And yes I probably was ready to hear the truth, but did I want the truth. Knowing something and suspecting something are two completely different things. I should be grateful for what I have left, but I can't help but feel embarrassed because I was such an idiot...Life sucks when you lose a love.

Night Drive **AAR**

I drive to/eliminate the ball that I'm chained to/Take me...break me/Every mile further there's a part of me that slips away/One day...you'll see/even if you got down on your knees you couldn't make me stay/Drive all night/never gonna get me/Night by night/to get away from it all/Fight fight fight/all you want to do is hurt me...

People are really grating on the last nerve I am trying to keep. Okay, so if you are too stupid to find an answer on a simple in-class assignment, you don't belong in that class. The stupid answer is right in front of your face and if you actually took the time to look you probably would find it. There is no point in looking at my paper, searching for the answer without even asking. If you would ask me for help I probably would help, but after you decide to cheat on me I will not give you an answer. Then having someone in my ear saying I won't give the answer because I am mean? I mean seriously. What grade are we in again? First? Second? No!? Well it sure seems like that. If you just listen to the drivel that pours out of the mouths of some of my classmates, you would not know that we were in high school. So what is high school teaching us these days anyway? To cheat to pass? Well that is fun...**The student that is most likely to cheat on a test is an A-student** Didn't know that huh? Students who have lower grades are less likely to care about the outcome of their grades so why cheat? Errr...it is just an assignment so why does it matter? Maybe it matters because this is not the first time this has happened, nor will it probably be the last. I am probably going to blow up at the next person who cheats off me...Frustrated...very frustrated.

Straitjacket Feeling **AAR**

Back me down from backing up/Hold your breath now/It's stacking up/Etched with marks but I can deal/And you're the problem/And you can't feel/Try this on/Straitjacket feelin'/So maybe I won't be alone/Take back now/My life you're stealin...
Not caring is a problem...Being in your junior year and not caring if you pass or fail your time away in high school...That's kind of bad. Mentally checking out because you don't want to have to deal with the idiots of the high school existence. It is like we are wearing straitjackets, having to confine ourselves because we cannot be trusted to take care of ourselves. Cannot be trusted to make our own decisions.We have parents that tighten our straitjacket ever so tighter by wanting to know what we are doing every minute of every day. What we are thinking...they cannot control that...so the rebels who follow their own path fight to take off their straitjackets. But when we escape our first, are we not just binded into our second? Our job, then a family, then old age? Or whatever order that is applied to the situation. We cannot seem to escape confinement in life, whether or not we attempt to. Just as we hold the key to our freedom, someone is there to make sure it is taken from us. A boss will give you orders, your wife/husband, and in old age if your kids hate you you will be locked away in a retirement home against your will. Every minute of every day we are being force fed crap that is there to make sure we do what we were told. Only in our thoughts are we not constrained. Even then there are those that seek to control those also.

Sorry about this I am not in a good mood.

Maybe I'll Push Back

Pushing me away/You are tearing us apart/Pushing me away/It's breaking my heart/Pushing me away/But you should know/If you keep on pushing/Maybe I will just let go/To let you keep your distance/You need a buffer between us/But it is what you wanted/So I try not to fuss/Why can't we be friends that are normal/You seem to not want me around/I don't know if I can take it anymore/Everytime I think of it my heart plummets to the ground/YOU ARE PUSHING ME AWAY/Why are you doing this/You are pushing too hard/It'll be me you will miss/You are pushing me away/You are tearing us apart/Pushing me away/What you are doing is breaking my heart/Pushing me away/But you should know/That if you keep on pushing/I will just let go.

I don't want to let go. Stop pushing me away, you know who you are.

Stab My Back **AAR**

"Stab my back/is it better when I bleed for you?/Walk on me/it never was enough to do/I can't get past you/Falling fast it's true/it hasn't done a lot for you/"

Emotional ups and downs...that is where friendships will take you. Doesn't matter how strong you think your friendship with that person is, you can be hurt on either side anyway. And that really sucks...Because with that pain/heartache/tears/grief you do things to yourself you normally would not do. Stop eating to the point where you are emaciating yourself to the point of nothingness, cut yourself deep to rid yourself of the pain, be up all night because you fear what you will see in your dreams. Thinking less of yourself because they have made you feel unworthy, unloved, selfish. Being angry at them because they made you feel this way. So why have friends? Maybe the thoughts of the need to be rid of yourself stems from the fact that you believe that no one else wants you. Why do you need to be wanted? Can you not want yourself wholly the way you are? Why not just introvert yourself from society to become a socially rejected outcast that is happy with themselves?
The need to be fake prevails in the world and we cannot seem to break ourselves of the pattern that was set before us. By fake it was meant that we deem ourselves worthy by what friends we have. Is there an original? Not referring to the vintage wearing/non-conformists that are so not cool they are the epitamy of cool. And they know it. What is being referred to is the person who does not ride the roller-coaster of friendship emotion, the person who sets their own path to freedom.
I am not saying that I have not been privy to the feelings of rejection/pain...suicidal thoughts, lack of sleep, depression, etc. But what is being put across is that we should not to base our self worth on how someone else will/does see you. One person hates you, two, so on...think about it. How many is that in a sea of millions? They do not matter no matter what celebrities, or our Hollywood~esque society throws down your throat.
Being true to you should be what matters, no matter who makes you feel worthless or angry or sad or depressed or blah blah blah along the way. Friends and the need for friendship should not be the soul focus of our existence. Think about how much time is wasted because you are worrying about who will be the next to say something about you, what friend you will lose, etc. Imagine what you could do with that time instead?
Emotional ups and downs is where friendship will take you, but you do not need to get on the ride.

More Quizzes

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

This is so sad because it is completely true.

Heck YES! I am a Snickers!

Snickers

Nutty and gooey - you always satisfy.

What Kind of Candy Are You?