Sleeping

I can't sleep...
cuz that would mean that I would put myself into something I don't want to be in.
Dreams are fake, false. They are what you want to happen, what you wish to happen but they are not reality. But do I really want to live in reality? I like my dreams, I am someone else who I want to be in my dreams. But do I want to be that person? Or do I just want to be me? I am not even sure who me is. Am I the straight-A student, the art lover, or the rude and sarcastic in your face girl? Are any of those really who I am? I want to find me, but she has gone away and I haven't seen her in a long time. Did I ever really know her in the first place? Don't I just wish I could dive into the stories of others that I read in books all the time? I laugh for their happiness, I smile for their joy, I cry for their pain...But what about mine? Mine is real but is it real to anyone else or is it just real to me? Every time I put down one book, I take up another, because I just can't seem to face my life. In books I've found my solace, I can pretend I am someone else for a few precious days. But then I experience hurt when that one book is done. Maybe that's why I like series books, I can continue on in the dream of being someone else. But series are always going to come to an end. Life will come to an end, even if some of us push that as far down the road. But it's not far. Every minute of every day you have a chance of dying. Every time you walk out your front door, you run that risk. But none of us ever think of that because it is to hard to face death. I don't fear death, but death has reason to fear me. I do not care whether I live or die because I know where I am going after death. That's who I am. I'm the girl who knows where she is going, and has many paths to choose from to make it there.