Why can't life just go the way you want it? Why does life have to be such a daily tug-of-war? I want my life to go one way and it ends up going in the completely opposite direction. And thinking about it...If I didn't have faith, I probably would have committed suicide by now. And that scares the living daylights out of me because I am not that type of person. I don't take the easy way out. I never have. I never will. I guess life has just been weighing down on me pretty hard lately. I'm feeling the stress of school, home, church, and every other commitment I've stretched myself upon. And needless to say...I'm about ready to crack. Ever since my parents divorced (7 years ago) I have taken way too much that a child should not have to handle. I was eight going on nine and I took over so many things. I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, watch my bro and sis, do homework at school and still manage to pull A's. I did and still do sports, up to 3 a year now, I'm involved in numerous extracurricular activities, I go to church every Sunday, and I'm working on going to the missions trip to Vancouver in July. Now maybe it's just me, but that seems to be enough to make anybody crack. I've certainly come pretty close. I've given up sleeping in altogether now. Did I mention I am not even the OLDEST!!!! I have enough to worry about at home without worrying what's going on i my personal life right now. Personal meaning boys of course. Or one boy in particular I should say. One who doesn't care to notice that I've liked him for the past 5 years of my life. Or that he's one of the best friends I have ever or will ever have? Whatever I'm an idiot who doesn't deserve a good friend like him anyway...I just want to be a normal teenager with 2 parents, no burdens, and who doesn't have to worry about what chore they're doing next. I just can't seem to be able to breathe. Life is pressing down on my soul so hard I just want to quit. There is never going to be a chance for me to have a real life anyway. My dad is dead, my bro and sis won't pick up any slack, and I do all my extra stuff because I need a scholarship for college. But I always have to remember that I am an extremely well off girl who's got everything going for her... yeah right...